Okay, folks...

[duane_kc]

I'm not sure I want to ask this, but I figure anything that makes me this uncomfortable must have some truth behind it...

First: Read this...
http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html

And then tell me: In your opinion, is this the way you see me?

Comments

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Never met you in person (I think); can't make a comparison.

However, brutal honesty time: if you think it's cutting too close, I'd say a closer look is warranted. The author of that post includes ways in which Nice Guys can get closer to being honestly nice, and points out a lot of specific behaviors. If you've engaged in Nice Guy behaviors, then yes, you may want to cut back. On the other hand, if you don't do the things she's complaining about, not a problem.

The hardest part of looking in the mirror is learning to see what is really there, instead of what you expect to see. It isn't any easier for me, if that's any consolation.

[setfiretolife.livejournal.com]

First, I don't know you well enough to answer that.

Second, thank you for posting this. I loved it.

Third, if you have to ask ... you might want to devote some time to thinking.

[ladyotterfae.livejournal.com]

delightful rant, that.

as to your position on the spectrum (because yes, it is a spectrum), I rather suspect we'd both be more comfortable having that conversation somewhere a little more private. (and unlike the previous commenters, I _do_ know you well enough to speak to your question, at least I'd like to think I do.) I'm on IM for part of this evening, and of course you're always welcome to call, though if I'm rehearsal, it might take me a little while to get back to you. *hugs*

[feonor.livejournal.com]

First off, she is paiting with an awfully broad brush. She is speaking about a lot of generalities with some personal experiences thrown in.

Second off, my first reaction to her post was "bitter, party of one? now seating." There was a lot of the subjective in her objectivity, and there was a lot of "rant" in her "helpful" post.

That being said, she had a couple of good points: Every guy as a bit of her "Nice Guy" in them. And if you think you see something of yourself in her post, a little self review might be in order. But don't read too much into that; I found a bit of myself in her "Nice Guy" too, and its been independently cofirmed that I'm generally a nice guy. Same for you: there are a lot of people who will attest that you definitely are not one of her "Nice Guy" people. You genuinely are a nice guy.

None the less, something about it made you uncomfortable. So be objective about it. Re-read the post. Make a note specifically of the part(s?) that made you uncomfortable. Take those notes away from the post and re-write them as an objective list. Review that list seperately from her post. Does it still make you uncomfortable? If it doesn't still make you uncomforatable then why did it make you uncomfortable in the post but not independently? If it does still make you uncomfortable then which ones on the list do so? Why do those ones make you uncomfortable?

Remember: Be objective. Don't allow yourself to get emotional about it. This is an exercise in self-evaluation, so don't beat yourself up over anything. Be honest, not self-destructive. You can use this oppertunity to tear yourself apart or you can use this oppertunity to help you make yourself better. Your friends can help you but in the end its your choice. If there is anything I can do to help, feel free to contact me at your convenience.

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Well, I have read that rant and *love* it and I do know you well enough to comment. I've not seen you react badly to having a girl you're interested in not return the interest (I don't think and if I have, well then, I'll have to admit that I wasn't being observant enough apparently.) But...I can see the potential for that in you. And you're feeling uneasy about it most likely does mean that it bears a closer look with some introspection in mind.

I'll also say that it takes a good bit of courage to ask that question which means that you're also likely on the right path towards figuring it out. It never hurts to do some introspection and see where improvement can be made and as one commenter above said, the rant does also note some ways that changed to that sort of behavior can be made.

All that said, you're my friend and I care about you and think you're worth keeping as a friend. So there.

[fairgoldberry.livejournal.com]

Dear heart, I think that on the spectrum you are not as close to nice guy as you would like to see yourself being, and not as close to Nice Guy as you're afraid right now you are, if that makes any sense.

If *you* saw yourself, or something that others might think was you, in that description, then it's time to ask yourself if those traits it made you uncomfortable to consider possibly having are things about yourself that you value and want to keep. If they are or if you don't really have those traits, then be you and be honest about the fact that you're you. If those are traits you have but don't want, set about trying to resolve what might be causing them. If you're looking for behavioural change, I'd recommend just simply starting with a few small changes, and see how you feel about them before you start discussing them with the people you think they might affect.

I think that no matter what, the process you're going through of taking a hard look at you is usually a helpful one for most people, and I applaud and support you for it.

Much love,
Rowan

[necrotica.livejournal.com]

I don't know that side of you, so I don't know. :(

I like you just fine, though. :D

[malvito.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I can't answer that one ... still on library's time and her post went on for a bit.

[richs32.livejournal.com]

Remember when we used to call it "Teddy Bear Syndrome"? You are a great guy, regardless what anyone might say. This is a golden opportunity to examine where you are in your life and decide if you like it. If you don't, change it. We'll still be buds no matter what. (We were both like that in High School)

[ambersaigh.livejournal.com]

Um... I'm obviously running a bit late in keeping up and for that I apologize.

I also think that in most of these respects you and I are on a different generation divide. While I consider you a friend now and hope you do the same, I also think that you'll always remember me as that middle school friend of Jenny's. Ergo I will likely always be a girl and not a woman, and while we have known each other for a long(ish) time, we have not known each other that entire time as friends so much as "two people in the same place at the same time often."

But to the point, I will say that in the times I have spent around you talking, I have never heard you hold a grudge against someone who has not felt affectionately towards you. And that's about all I can truthfully say, regretfully. I hope it helps some.

[ambersaigh.livejournal.com]

And that's about all I can truthfully say, regretfully. I hope it helps some.

Um... to clarify, that's all I can truthfully say from the rant. I do think that you are a nice guy and a good person from what I know. Not many people have I seriously considered trying to work out a roommate situation with (at the time which it would have been beneficial to both parties) nor that Blaidd has allowed the consideration for that are male. I think that speaks volumes.

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

It does, on both counts. Thanks, darlin'.