The End

[duane_kc]

Well, today it happened; the event I've been hoping to avoid for over a year. Missy finally broke up wih me. She says it wasn't my continued joblessness; it's "a lot of little things", according to her, most of which she can't articulate.

This isn't going to devolve into so much emotional blackmail; I'm not going to sit here and declare that I can't live without her, and hope she reads it and comes back to me. She's free to do what she feels she needs to, I have no hold on her soul. I don't know how I'm going to live without her, but I'm not going to try to drag her back if she doesn't want to stay. I've fucked up my own life enough, no need to screw up hers.

I've been happy for the first time in my life. It wasn't the sex; Goddess knows, I've been happy just to have her in my life. I'm not shallow enough to mistake lust for love. It was more...the intimacy. For the first time, I had someone who I could talk to, who had more than superficial feelings for me, who I could share life with.

Gods above, it hurts. I've known for a year it couldn't last. She's 20 years old; it was inevitable that she'd outgrow me. I hoped it wouldn't happen. I PRAYED it wouldn't happen.

But it happened.

I told her just after we got together that I'd love her as long as she'd let me.

I was wrong.

I'll love her forever, whether she loves me or not.

Comments

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Cathi.

[piscescathi.livejournal.com]

Anytime. :)